Sometimes its not that clear

I may not be the brightest, i may be the last one you see. but its jus fine with me...

I dream of you happy dreams yet i awake to painful reality.
I wish for you happiness yet all you give me is lost hope.
The trust i have for you amounts to everything,
The trust you have for me equates to nothing.

Was it fates play or jus fools play
Were we meant to meet?
Was i meant to love you so much?
Was i ever meant to hold your heart?

I never smiled harder than when i found that i made u smile.
I never hurt more than when you tore me apart.
I never hated myself than when i found i made u cry
I never loved anyone more than when i saw you

I made mistakes, little ones, big ones
but isnt the punishment too harsh.

Countless times i sat by my phone and prayed that you would call me,
Countless times disdain and despair sat next to me and mocked me.
Few times i sat with joy as you smsed me and talked to me,
Few times i found out joy was just pain masquerading a play with me.

Fate, a word i chose to associate with life.
You, a word i chose to associate with love.
Me, a word i want to associate with you.
Yet fate never associates me with you.